Give me a girl of 8, and I can give you a guarantee of a good marriage

Think back to age 8...what were you doing?  What were your hopes or dreams or desires?  What was something important to you then?  Did you ever consider getting married to a man as old as your father, that you did not know?  Could you have imagined being beat and forced into sexual intercourse with this man?  This might not have been your reality when you were 8, 9, or 10, but it is reality for many girls around the globe.  I recently read about two brave young girls who escaped their marriage in Yemen - one running to the courthouse asking for a divorce and the other running to a hospital - both within a month of one another.  In Yemen, it is a common practice for young girls to be married off - usually around the ages of 12 or 13.  What is even more interesting is that in 1992, the minimum age for marriage was set to 15, but later ruled by Parliament in 1998 that girls could be married off earlier but could not move in with their husband until they reach sexual maturity.  Typically, these child marriages happen because of some kind of financial need or poverty feed this behavior.  But it is also done out of fear of the parents for their daughter being kidnapped and forcibly married or just from cultural pressure.


This article expresses how just two similar stories can affect a movement and can show the importance of fixing an issue.  These two girls, both under the legal marrying age, show how negatively forcing young children to get married.  These girls were not ready to be wives, they did not know the first thing about carrying a child or raising her/him, nor were they mentally ready to grow up so quickly.  These young girls were raped, beat, forced to drop out of school, and, in other cases of child marriages, are ostracized from their family because they want a divorce.  Child brides, not only in Yemen, create a cyclical relationship between poverty and the marriages - poverty encourages child brides and child brides creates poverty (by lack of education and health issues).  Commonly, child marriages, and in turn children having children, cause women to be illiterate and health issues for both the young woman and the children.  Either way, the cycle of child brides is negative, and in the end does not help anyone.


It is important to consider whether I am saying to stop child brides because it is an issue of trying to change culture or if it is an issue of increasing the betterment of society.  I write this blog, and I read articles of young women who have their lives stolen from them, typically to repay the debts that their parents created.  I want to help the young women who are forced to marry older men who beat them and rape them.  But most importantly I want to end the cycle.  By educating people of the other effects of child marriage and stopping the cycle, the whole economy of the country, and the world, would benefit.  Stopping the cycle would lessen poverty, increase education, increase equality, and most importantly make life healthier and better.  So think about your life when you were 8 or 9 or 10...were you concerned or even considering being married off because your parents had financial troubles?  If not, make sure no one else will have to think about it either.


http://www.nytimes.com/2008/06/29/world/middleeast/29marriage.html?_r=2&pagewanted=all 

Do you know Amina Filali?

Did you know Amina Filali?  I know I didn't.  Her husband didn't either.  We will never be able to meet Amina Filali because she committed suicide.  She took her own life because she was already living in hell.  She was repeatedly beat by her husband.  She was counseled by her mother to be patient; I guess the best motherly advice was just to wait it out.  Wait out the beatings.  Because the Quran and Shari'a Law strongly encourages couples to work out their differences, and let divorce be the last option.  I am sure you are wondering why I am telling you the story of Amina Filali on my blog about child brides.  Well she was a child bride.  Amina Filali was raped on the streets of the town at the age of 15....by her husband.  She was ashamed of what had happened, and kept it from her parents, but once she did tell, she was urged to marry the man.  According to an article I found on HuffingtonPost.com, in Morroco the burden of proof [in regards to rape] lays on the victim, otherwise she may face debauchery.  Also, in many parts of the Middle East, the rapist can escape prosecution by marrying the victim - which is exactly what Amina Filali's husband did.  After being raped and telling her parents what happened, she went to the court.  The court urged her to marry (it had to be agreed by the victim and both families); the husband originally declined but when told he would face up to 20 years in prison, he agreed to marry Amina.  Amina then was married to the man who disgraced her, who used her, who violated her, and who dishonored her.  But in the act of "honor" he married Amina.  Amina faced violence in her marriage, but stuck with it, using her mother's advice of patience.  After a year, Amina took her own life.  Amina decided that no life was better than the life she was "living."
This cannot be acceptable.  This type of "justice" is not only visible in Muslim societies, but there is a verse that encourages very similar behavior in the Old Testament's Book of Deuteronomy.  So thinking back to the first blog I wrote on this page about changing tradition and if it was possible; is it?  I don't think in the US, which claims to be a fairly Christian society, this type of behavior is seen very often or if at all.  So, why can our tradition change but other's cannot.  Amina Filali deserved a life of happiness; a life where she chose her husband and when she had sex.  Amina Filali did not gain back her honor by marrying the man who shamed her; who took away her rights, her voice and her choice.  This type of behavior should not happen.  Amina Filali was a young woman who had her whole life in front of her, and yet she died because no one was willing to stand up for her rights.  That will not happen on my accord.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oT2aDC4HRQg
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/03/14/amina-filali-morocco-rape_n_1345171.html#s785972 

it's a grassroots kind of thing.

Have you heard of the BRAC?  Do not be disappointed if you haven't,  I know I  hadn't heard of it until today.  BRAC is a Citizen Action Group headquartered in Bangladesh.  It comprises of women who have bared witness to the injustice of child marriages - either having one themself or knowing someone close who has.  There main goal is to alleviate poverty in the communities in Bangladesh, and elsewhere, but they do focus some on child marriage.  As I have learned through research, child marriage and poverty are closely connected because the common reason for child marriage is for the family to receive a dowry and pay off any debts  and what not.  So typically the more poor the family, the more likely the daughters will be victims to arranged child marriages.  But BRAC gives the women in these heavily impacted areas a voice, and a strength that they haven't had before.  BRAC works with these women to let them know that they can stand up if they feel oppressed or being victimized.

These grassroots organizations are a perfect way to combat traditions that must end.  These women approach men that they have grew up next to, that have once had a crush on, that might have been their father's best friend - they approach these men to let them know of the injustice that they are causing.  They approach these men with a plea to forget this tradition that is only causing more poverty, more illiteracy, more child mortality.  The women that make up this organization mobilize women in their community because they know one another; they know each other's stories; they know the traditions better than anyone else.  They see the effects of the traditions just as those being victimized see them.  BRAC, and organizations that form within small communities, are the most effective, but tend to need the most help.  They need support that they can't receive from their community - but they have the voice.

Even though BRAC is organizing to stop child marriages, 68% of women in Bangladesh get married before the age of 18.  Studies/education stop once a woman gets married - no matter the age.  Things in Bangladesh are changing, people are listening, and girls are finishing their education.  Here is what BRAC has done for Bangladesh: present in 69421 villages, created 11830 Citizen Action Groups to solve issues in their communities, trained 3000 Justice Educators to teach on domestic violence and gender discrimination, trained 5519 barefoot lawyers who teach Human Rights and Legal Education classes, graduated 3.4 million women from those classes, sent 19424 cases to court, resolved 65214 cases through Alternative Dispute Resolution, and their Popular Theatre groups have performed 119,321.  Keep in mind, that is just touching those in Bangladesh.  Groups like this could affect millions of women with this kind of grassroots organizing.  This is amazing.

http://brac.net/courageintheheart/
http://www.brac.net/

Just a flogging, no big deal.

The article that I read is a little old, but none the less prevalent.  This specific case study happened in early 2010 in Afghanistan.  There were two young girls (and I say girls because they were in their early teens) who managed to run away, dressed as boys, from their husbands.  These girls had been married away to two much older men, and after refusing to consummate their marriages and being beat repeatedly, the two escaped.  They were found during a checkpoint, and the cops actually sent them back to their families/husbands.  The two girls told their story, and instead of the cops sending them to a nearby Women's Shelter, they sent the two back to the reason they were running.

There are a few things in this article that disturbs me.  First off, according to a Unicef study from 2000-2008, the brides in 43% of Afghan marriages were under 18.  Funny thing is, the Afghan Constitution states no girl under 16 is to be married - but tradition says that once a girl reaches puberty she is able to be married away.  So, just so you understand what I am saying, almost half of all marriages in Afghanistan involve a bride under 18.  It is against the LAW for a girl under 16 to be married.  And yet, here is a case where two girls, 13 and 14, are flogged because they ran from their beating husbands.  THEY SHOULDN'T EVEN BE MARRIED, LET ALONE BEING PUNISHED FOR LEAVING!  Oh but wait, hey, flogging is illegal too.  These two girls were publicly flogged, each receiving about 40 lashings.

Why is this important?  Because innocent young girls are being publicly beat for a crime that they didn't commit - it should be, if anyone, their parents out their being beat, or their "husband".  There is no excuse for this kind of behavior, none whatsoever.  One of the investigators on this case was just as shocked saying that this act was inhuman, and anti-Islam.  But if that is true, there is no religious backing, and it is against the law - why are these people who performed the acts not being charged or penalized.  Oh I will tell you why, "the district was too insecure to send police there."  Lovely.  I am sure the women of this district feel real safe.

This isn't the only case where a young girl has been married to a much older man.  This isn't the only case where she has suffered extreme abuse, and tried to run.  This isn't the only case where SHE was publicly humiliated for being strong and trying to leave.  There are many times this has happened.  You could say young women being married off, beaten, trying to run, and being publicly humiliated/tortured, is tradition.  But should this tradition continue - even now when it is against the law, written in the country's Constitution.  Who will stand up and protect these women when their families are the one's selling them and it is even too insecure for the police?  Some women can get to the Women Shelters, like Women for Afghan Women Shelter, but some cannot get past the police who will send them back to their family/husband.  It is beyond a vicious cycle for young women in the communities where this is normal practice.  No child, boy or girl, should ever have to face this kind of abuse, especially when there are laws supposed to be protecting them.

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/05/31/world/asia/31flogging.html?pagewanted=2&_r=3